i feel as if im drowning in my own sorrow. i feel numb tho, i feel as if i felt so much pain that now i cant feel it. hell, the only thing i feel is the sting when i cut. the warmness of the blood being the only warmness i can recall feeling. i miss my old family, the happy family that didnt have to worry about their dad leaving in the middle of the night or getting drunk, perhaps even being verbally abusive. i try to cry, hoping i can feel sad, i smile in hopes i feel happy, and i scream hoping that i can feel mad, better yet if someone can hear me. its cold in this place, , maybe this is hell. yk, ive heard that hell isnt flames, its ice. nothing burns worse then ice. i hate myself. the thought of wanting to die reeks in the back of my mind and the bottom of my heart. why cant i just let go of all the heaviness and just forget about thats ever happened to me. its just not that simple. but i wish it was that simple. i know onw easy way to get out. but do i wanna go that route?