my childhood home, in another country, was sold nearly 2 decades ago. the realisation that i will never be able to revisit it, that it now lives only for as long as my memory allows, crushes me. my relationship with my parents is sterile. i feel only their sincere and lingering warmth from when i was a child. they hardly want anything to do with me now as a grown woman and, even if they secretly did, they're definitely not acting on it. i never hear about their days, their plans, nor get invited to any of them. when we reconcile, they find it easy to justify breaking back down what little progress we keep having to rebuild. is discarding me easier than loving me, and why? i promise i only ask for little. i only wish to hear from you every day. i'm acquainted with several people, friends, of many i consider dear. my partner, my 'soul mate'. none of them know me at my core, or else they'd know what to do. or ask. i feel so lonely, i could drown. my head is barely above the water.