The reality of knowing I am a temporary salve for others to heal from their traumas/relationship woes and for them to leave me as a discarded container once they have healed or had their fill to be with someone else destroys me on a daily basis. Each day I find less and less reasons to wish to live. I choose to forget medications meant to keep me healthy just to quietly let myself die without others knowing. No one knows that I have attempted to take my life more than 6 times at this point. Everyone says it will get better. When? I have waited years. All I have gained is having my heart torn asunder by multiple people, my trust in many gone, rifts in what I one thought were the closest relations I have had in life, and stacking medical debt that will never cease from my persisting conditions. No one will ever love me to a similar degree that I have given to others. So why do I even wish to stay? What is to stop me from leaving my corpse upon the highway in Omaha? No one can answer.