I feel so guilty. I know my dad loves me but I don’t feel safe with him. I know it’s because whenever I tried to become/do something he didn’t like he’d have a lecture and practically insult me and bring religion into it. I can’t stand much physical touch from him even though he forces it sometimes. I feel so unsafe and I feel like it’s my fault. If I could only be normal than I could give him the attention he needs from his ‘daughter’. But I can’t. I hate myself for it. He loves me but I can’t bring myself to love him the same way. Am I twisted? I don’t know. I just feel so so so guilty. I can barely stand a hug from him. I think it’s because one of the lectures he gave me where he insulted me and my friend and accused me of doing illegal things and being of the devil and comparing me to 5yr me he gave me a hug. And it just doesn’t feel safe. I don’t feel safe. I want out. But I don’t have enough money. If I left and never visited I’d feel even more disgusted in myself even more.