I feel guilty I've been cheating on my boyfriend with his cousin it’s a long story but my boyfriend is abusive and it was easy to be swung in by his cousin i feel empty inside. We are all adults. Yet i feel like im surrounded by idiots. I didn’t mean to cheat it goes against all my morals as a human being. I slowly lost myself after dealing with his shit. His friend told me he flirted with girls before when i wasn’t around. I was raped by his friend one night and ever since that happened he kinda disappeared and my boyfriend wonders why. I know why… i hope to leave this behind me and stop feeling empty and depressed. Smoking does nothing for me it doesn’t numb my pain. Me and his cousin still talk but since they are in the same family they are similar in a way because the cousin is possessive and he frustrates me he can be very annoying i don’t know what he is looking for he introduced himself as a man with a big heart for multiple women i would never date him.