im so fucking lonely. i have been lonely, i guess. and i cant manage to fix it. other outside factors making my bpd symptoms worse too you could say. but i fixed that, mostly. i just wish i wasnt so fucking antisocial, awkward or just uninteresting. i guess. yeah, its hugely my fault. i know this. i sm trying, i really am. i have poor social skills, am easily misunderstood as rude bc i can be blunt and forward. but even when i soften myself act uwu cutesy, its not enough. and again, yes i just broke out of a huge depressive episode and am trying really hard to balance working and reaching out to people, getting better at responding. or at least communicating that i may do this. but none usually reach out to me. first. ever really or i put in that effort, which is so fucking hard. insanely so, and recieve none of it back. and the most pathetic part is i still keep doing it KNOWING the result doesnt change.