A woman that LARPs as my girlfriend when she's drunk, madly in love with her, but won't have me. A mother who's got dementia or some other mental illness where she barely knows what's going on around her and won't do anything anymore. A father who killed himself in his car. No family since we moved from our home country. No real friends I can physically go to because we've moved around so much I was never able to keep any of the friends I made during my school years. Struggling. Lonely. Scared. Angry at everything, and everyone. I hate life. I hate living. It's nothing but pain and misery. Distractions are just a band-aid on a gaping wound that won't heal, a wound that's become infected. Mental state is shot. Kaput. Constant anxiety. Frequent panic attacks. Always crying alone. At night, I can hear my mom laughing and whispering to people in her head. It keeps me up at night. Not because it's loud, it's not, but because it's a living hell to hear that every night. No one loves me.