ok pt.2 about my ex I told him I wanted to cut myself (he knows I struggle with sh) and he asked me to carve his initials into my thighs and send him a sexy photo of it. I wasn't in a good headspace and I did it and he sent me a dick pick after. He also did shrooms with me and I got into a bad headspace and all I wanted was to cut. So I told him and he gave me a box cutter and watched me do it and then raped me afterwards. He ended up letting me keep the box cutter for when I needed it next. Nobody believes me because when we broke up I deleted our messages cause I felt ashamed. It was probably one of the biggest mistakes I have ever made to this day. He texted me a few weeks ago saying nobody believed me and all my friends were talking shit about me and calling me a lying bitch. He said he's back and called me insane. He said I should go back to the mental hospital where I was SA'd and traumatized by staff. He used everything I ever told him about my trauma against me. I hate him.