ive been thinking about my father too much but it bothers me, for context my father was a horrible person. i keep getting told he hit me as a baby and pushed my mom down the stairs while pregnant with me, etcetc. when i was younger about 8-9, i overheard my mom talking about he touched a kid. then when i was 10 i cut contact with him and about a month or 2 later he was found dead. and i might sound weird or just terrible but hating him for me is just complicated, i can hate him and the person he was for as long as i live yet i’ll always have part of his face. i’ll always be made up of 50% of his dna and i dont want to be. i want a father figure, one who wasn’t a horrible person to me yet i’ll never have one ever again lol
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