I feel like I have this strange obsession with wanting to be everyone’s favorite person and to be chosen, it just sucks when I’ve gone through my whole life knowing that I’m no one’s first thought, so I over compensate to try to be. It seems to come so naturally to others, where people just prefer them but I just feel as if I’m never good enough. I get weird and jealous I don’t show it but it’s a thought in my mind when I see somebody I want to be closer with be closer to somebody else. And I hate that about myself, I hate that I feel this way and I hate how I create my whole cause of hurt and pain because of this. I just want to be noticed for once, and not have to notice others first

I’m not really sure how to go about this. This guy and I were talking and flirting back and forth. We met on a dating app. He told me he adores me and really likes the potential we carry for a relationship. Today he tells me he’s not sure if he’s ready for a relationship and he didn’t want it to seem like he dragged me on, he asked me to come over last night I couldn’t and today he told me he wants to talk as friends and he just needs time to see if he’s ready for a relationship. Like kt makes me feel like why was he flirting and why did we go on a first date if he wasn’t sure if he was ready for a relationship.

I used to be really good at talking to people in like elementary school but for a really long time now I feel stuck anytime I am having a conversation with someone that isn't direct family. I don't have any friends irl or online and I've been starting to go onto stuff like discord and talking with people on there bc I thought maybe it would help me get better at talking to people and maybe I could make some friends but I think I just can't do it. I never know what to say and when I do think of something I end up deleting it because I think that the other person will think I'm weird or trying to hard or something idk I hate being alone all the time. I just wish I had more people my age to talk to but every time I try it like someone is covering my mouth and I just can't say what I want to. I wish I was like I was in elementary school when I wasn't as anxious all the time and could just make friends like it was nothing. I just don't want people to hate me or think I'm weird.