I feel like I keep messing up. From my trauma with my grooming situation growing up then to constant stress, it becomes so difficult to manage myself as an adult now. I get so irritated, beat myself up so much, and just so miserable with almost everything. I had a small disagreement with my boyfriend, and mind you, today was already an off putting day. But when I suggested the idea of me to stop smoking weed, he immediately got defensive about it and even said hes going to cancel his weed card. I never said that. I just dont want us to smoke as much for our lungs to be okay. But somehow I messed up. I made this tension between us and I just cant stop hating myself for it. Now im just laying in bed and trying to resist the urge to harm. But I prefer not to.