I hate obsessing over my looks. I hate sitting in class with people who are just attractive with little or no effort. I hate that someone who I fell out with years ago is prettier than me, has a social life and in short, has it better than me. I want to feel better about myself, I’ve begun to wear makeup, but it makes me feel terrible because I hate feeling like I have to look presentable and socially desirable every time I go out in public. Not even that, when people come over I feel like I have to perform in my own home. I keep telling myself ‘looks don’t matter’ until it hinders my ability to simply talk to people, or it’s late at night and I realise I am dumb, a bad person who can’t form close relationships, and my looks don’t even make up for it.