I'm so alone. I've been alone so long, I hate being around most people. I get overstimulated by people whispering or talking nearby, it makes me frustrated and paranoid. I'm burnt out but feel trapped. I know I wasn't always this way, I had a life I loved 5 years ago, but I let it slip through my fingers. Now I don't even remember what it feels like to be consistently happy. My friends all have their own lives and it's hard to find time for us all to hang out. And when we do, I always have the fewest updates, no new stories, and nothing for them to live vicariously through. I'm aware of my own flaws, but struggle to do the work my therapist recommends to improve myself and my conditions. I'm so touch starved and lonely, it's hard to try meeting people. I'm too eager, too needy, too desperate, and not good enough at hiding any of it. I just want life to stop hurting, but I know that's just how life works and I need to feel it properly and not try to numb it down.