Looking back from a year I feel as if I have conquered a lot of hurdles that were once in front of me. I feel as if time dragged so much within that year. So much that was not in my control such a bitter, hateful time (more so 7 years, but the last year seems as if wrapping up a chapter). Seems like I have accomplished a lot that I thought would be in my way. I feel in control in so many ways now that I feel this fire, this tense, growing passion in my soul. Its volatile, jaded, but resourceful. A year from yesterday was the last time I contacted you, no response back. I dont know if thats b/c your on ur merry way or if it was through silent contempt. I purposely made it seem I had a wonderful life.. it wont be the last, I'll make sure you know.

I know it says no personal information required but I need to mention that I identify as aroace (aromantic and asexual). This means i don’t feel romantic or sexual attraction, I don’t look to pursue romantic relationships or sexual ones with my friends or people I know. I’ve been this way for a long time. But, I masturbate. Now I stopped two weeks ago, for many reasons including that I think it’s pretty messy and I hate mess. But since then I’ve been missing the nice (albeit short) feeling you get when you do it. It’s just really difficult and I can’t vent to my friends because none of them are asexual and they wouldn’t understand.

You know what. I don't want to matter to anyone anymore. Because then I can finally stop and rest and find peace. Mattering just means I am not done fighting and doing my duties, that there is still more the world wants from me even though I have nothing left to give. I am done. I am so completely, utterly done.