Yesterday I experienced a desire to commit suicide. It was scary. I'm gay and I live in Russia. I wanna fight for a better life in another country, but at the same time I don’t know what I would even do there. I was born with a disease that affects many aspects of my body including my appearance. i’m not gonna go into too much detail, but i have a possibility of dying at 40. I’m ok with it, but I'm extremely uncomfortable around people because of how i look so I constantly hide my body. For more than 5 years I have had no motivation to do anything. I haven't found a single person who truly understands me and my values, even in lgbt community. But at least people tell me that I'm a good person. My parents don't support me. I have no desire to work. I assume I have chronic depression. Even if I make every effort to leave this shithole, I don't know if I will be able to enjoy life, find love, and continue to make art. Mb it’s not that bad, but that's why I thought about killing myself