i feel like i made a mistake. i miss him so much, but at the same time i know i couldn't keep going the way that i did. i just miss his voice, i miss his smile, i miss talking to him. but he drained every bit of energy from me and took everything until there was nothing left and now i don't even know who i am anymore. maybe i'm okay being nothing if it means i get to just sit with him again, is that so wrong of me? is that so wrong of me to think? that i'd rather suffer forever if it meant i could be by his side than prosper without him? we were going to get married, we were going to live together until we grew old. and maybe it's possible again sometime in the future but right now, when i have nobody, when i have not another soul to tell, or a body to hug away all my tears, i. i cant do this. i cant cry into my pillow anymore and pretend like everything is okay. i am so tired, i'll do anything he wants me to. i'm so tired. i'm always going to be alone, because its what i deserve.