on my 20th birthday, if nothing is better, i am going to kill myself. tomorrow im scheduled to attend my first pride event; this should be a triumph for me. i feel so very little. i don’t look how im supposed to. i don’t feel how im supposed to. i don’t have the people im supposed to have. i’m alone no matter what i do. no one truly understands. everyone in my life hates me just as much as i do for the same reasons. i’m too loud, im too angry, im too mean, im too demanding, too selfish. the problem is that im not truly these ways. i have severe mental health issues that make me act this way but it isn’t a true reflection of me as a person. i still hate myself for it and so does everyone else. i’m tired. i’m tired of hurting people with no say and im tired of feeling like everything i do is wrong all the time. i’ll be doing everyone a favor when i kill myself. im just a fuckup. maybe i had a chance at some point lol