I hate looking at myself in the mirror I hate my scars and cuts. I've been so anxious lately I'm not hungry anymore I just don't want to feel. I don't want to move honestly I say it's okay but no it's like when everything starts getting okay something else just has to happen. It's been 3 years when will I get better I feel like everyday has been the same I wish I was 5 again. I wish I didn't invalidate my feelings by saying someone else has it worse and I'm probably doing just fine compared to other people I'm tired of holding everything in and always acting like everyone's okay why does everyone else get to vent to me but God forbid I ask someone to listen God forbid someone checks up on me how I do them. When will I be able to find someone who will listen to me really? Anyways it's probably never unless I start healing from what ever is wrong with me since I don't like talking how I feel to real people anyways. But who ever read this to the end, thank you.

I honestly don't even know where to start I feel like I'm just doing the same thing everyday. I'm always so anxious about something. I hate self harming the scars cuts and burns make me sick to look at but it's the only thing that makes me feel better, nothing feels the same but I wish I could stop.

When I'm with my siblings, or my gf, the protective instincts come out of me intrinsically. Like no one taught me that. Maybe it's in the biology of men to be protectors. It guninely makes me happy. It's as if I have a purpose