Went on Omegle with one of my pretty friends earlier today, and every single person either made fun of my face or asked if I was a guy. I have a condition I was born with which caused me to be blind in one eye, so my eyes are asymmetrical and I need to wear a prosthetic eye because of it. I usually try to hide my eye with my hair because the prosthetic makes me look like I have a lazy eye (no offence to those with a lazy eye, I've seen and been through the same pain u guys have and I'm just tired of it ☹️💔), and besides, my eyes are asymmetrical anyway. So I covered my eye with a silly wig I was wearing at the time. I always thought “If my eyes weren’t like this I’d be so pretty”. And so I hid my eye because why on earth would I wanna get made fun of? I'm not a masochist. Turns out I'm not as pretty as I thought I'd be. I'm currently bawling my eyes out on the bathroom floor.

I hate looking at myself in the mirror I hate my scars and cuts. I've been so anxious lately I'm not hungry anymore I just don't want to feel. I don't want to move honestly I say it's okay but no it's like when everything starts getting okay something else just has to happen. It's been 3 years when will I get better I feel like everyday has been the same I wish I was 5 again. I wish I didn't invalidate my feelings by saying someone else has it worse and I'm probably doing just fine compared to other people I'm tired of holding everything in and always acting like everyone's okay why does everyone else get to vent to me but God forbid I ask someone to listen God forbid someone checks up on me how I do them. When will I be able to find someone who will listen to me really? Anyways it's probably never unless I start healing from what ever is wrong with me since I don't like talking how I feel to real people anyways. But who ever read this to the end, thank you.

When I'm with my siblings, or my gf, the protective instincts come out of me intrinsically. Like no one taught me that. Maybe it's in the biology of men to be protectors. It guninely makes me happy. It's as if I have a purpose