If I were loved, it wouldn't matter if I sucked. If I could just expect love from others without performing for it, without having to offer something over transactionally when it's already there. I don't want to just think of myself and others as useful, or finding something else that's useful. I don't want to make myself useful. I'm sick of only being thought of for my usefulness. If that's the way that the world works, and I'm too sensitive for life, I'd rather just give up than be strong or overcome anything. I'd rather just shut off.
frustration1 felt this