I struggle with sh (self harm). I told someone I care deeply about that I would stop. But its a struggle because harming myself is a way I can control how I punish myself for the day. I know its stupid, but I'm also stupid, so theres not much of a change. I feel like I'm ugly, and my sister is so pretty. I can't help compare myself to her. I feel like maybe if I just committed, they would be happier. Its confusing because deep down I know they love me. But every sign of it just makes me feel numb. I feel lied to, all the time. Even if they are telling me their truth. I try to be a person who is always there for everyone else, but sometimes, I just don't care about their problems. I want to kill myself, all the time. And I've placed a knife to my neck before, pressing down. But I'm a coward, so I'm still here. There was a mark though... I've tried to tell more people but I can't get the words out to them. And when I do, I always worry about their reactions to me. Im sorry if this bugs u