I often let my anxiety get the better of me. I’ve felt like all my friends fucking hate me for years now, I have little to no proof of it though. I know I’m annoying. My best friend has called me annoying. That weighs down on me every day. Being autistic has made my life genuinely a living hell. Despite being in honors everything, I’ve averaged a C in math since seventh grade (currently going into freshman year of high school) and I feel like I need to be perfect. I can’t be perfect, as much as I try I’ll never meet my personal standards. Nobody’s forcing them on me but myself. My crush, the love of my life. I’m so scared he won’t like me back. I’m asexual. What happens if he reciprocates my love and I can’t give him what he truly desires? Will he love me regardless? Or will his love have boundaries that I can never meet. Will I ever find someone who loves me for me, and not my body? I’m also extremely insecure. My body is disgusting. I hate it. I hate me. I hate being AFAB.