I got SA by my ex boyfriend for 2 years without knowing. Its been 2 years since that breakup so 4 years since the first incident and l just want to heal. I want to love my body again and not over sexualize myself, be able to look down there without crying, trust others again, want to be able to cry to my mom and tell her what he did to me but l cant. We cant afford a therapist, my parents would just blame it on me and ive been trying to heal on my own but l dont know how. I was 13 when l first got SA, pressured into consenting and needed to do it because l owed him, because l would "never know if l dont try". It kills me everyday. He got away with it and gets to live a perfect life. Im so jealous and filled with anger l cant stop stalking him on social media. He got everything he wanted while l struggle to fucking live. Ive attempted several times since the breakup and struggle with SH. I blame myself for it because everyone warned me abt him.