i’m starting to think i’m not compatible with love. i can’t be loved and i can’t love people. my girlfriend is great, it’s been almost a year and she’s left for her home country almost a week ago. it’s tearing my up, i’m insecure and i feel like i need constant assurance that she’s ok, that’s not healthy. i know she’s a good woman, i know that, but everyday a small piece of what i know her as gets replaced into whatever i imagine and its terrible. i used to crave loneliness like an old lover or fling, it’d always be there in my moments of need. it’s stupid but if i ever felt upset, or anything like that i knew that my loneliness would never leave, it helped me. now that she’s gone, we barely talk and it’s so infuriating to be this anxious, i want everything gone. i want this relationship gone, i want my issues gone, i want her gone and i want my stresses gone. i need a release from everything, my work, classes, chores and responsibilities. i wanna be a numb little dumb monkey and die.