Feeling like a rotten vegetable slowly being eaten by rats. I've done nothing but destroy myself, I feel like I drag people down, an embarrassment, a blight. I think about dying, running across the asphalt then crushed by heavy wheels, the sound of bones cracking loud in my ears. Maybe I'll hang myself, sputter in my own saliva, kicking, hands trying to undo the knot done too tight, I might feel a wave of regret, then soon, there's silence. I might drink some pills and try to overdose or take the liquid detergent straight through my throat, I've thought about inhaling helium and slowly suffocating at 3 am, outside, in a place where no one can find me, in dirty corners, hidden thickets, maybe the dogs will find me first, the smell soon wafting over to earth's creatures. I want to be buried and forgotten, I hope in god's mercy I'll grow roots, wildflowers, beautiful things only forests can see. Finally, breathing life from one I had not lived.