I read a fanfic earlier tonight. It was "Have you ever been in love, Kurapika?" by hyunshine on Archive of Our Own. The way that fic made me feel was... new. I had to step out after reading a few more works by this same creator. I looked at myself in the mirror, and I flexed my bicep. Looking at it, it felt natural, like I was meant to look strong. But then I looked at my torso. I lifted my shirt and looked at myself every which way, and honestly, all I could think of was: why couldn't I have just been born a boy? I've always had struggles with my gender; I mean, I'm fine with being a female; I honestly don't care, but life would've been better if I were a boy, born a boy, lived my childhood as one. I also think I could accept myself loving a boy if I were one. But for now? I guess I'll just live life as it is.