i regret treating my best friend badly. we were together, too, for some time, untill i dissapeared from her life once again. so she's also my ex. ive done that like 6 times already, and we havent talked since the start of 2025. she waited for me, every time, and i bet she's still waiting for me. or not, its been a long time and i never changed. in the start of this year, she tried to contact me, but i didn't reach back. i don't know what she thinks nowadays. i cant bring myself to contact her, i dont know if she hates me now even though she always said she missed me. and i know i havent changed, even now. if i go back, i will leave her again, just like always. but it's so hard, and im so nostalgic. the thought of us not talking ever again is scary to me. i still think theres a chance we could go back to being friends, but i think it's best to let it die. i could reach out only to say im sorry, but i will be embarassed if she tells me to not talk to her again. so, i'm sorry.