Married, a father but not on my timing. I have made decisions for the happiness of others and have ignored my inner self for too long. Now, I am almost $200k in student debt (student loans between two countries), broke, entering my fourth year of a Ph.D that seems worthless especially when you can't even obtain a scholarship despite a 4.0 GPA. Restricted to 20 years a week for work due to my F-1 visa restrictions. Grew up in London, UK, been in America for five years, father passed away three years ago this July, my contract at my part-time job of four years ended last Tuesday...now professionally unemployed, you would think I would be fired up especially with a one-year-old daughter at home and a wife. I have zero fire in my belly. Haven't been back to London to visit family in almost two years because of the high risks of travelling on my visa. Yet, I just have no energy for life. Close to suicidal at times. I just feel like I'm in prison on a life/death sentence. No light, dark.