I keep thinking about my dead dad lately. I lost him when I was 10 (15 now) and he lost custody of me when I was 8-9. He abused me and my siblings and sexually assaulted me when I was around 4. I can still remember the event even tho it’s very fuzzy now, it feels like a bad dream with pieces missing. But when you loose someone that hurt you and ur family so much it feels like a whole different type of grief. It’s hard to miss him but I do. Almost my whole life I’ve struggled with depression, ptsd, autism, adhd and a few other things, I started cutting myself when I was 11 and my first suicidal attempt also at 11 and at least one or more every year. I don’t want attention i promise, I cut on my upper shoulders only. I know it’s such a pussy move but i need to feel it. I don’t have any energy to live and I don’t have anything worth living for except some family and I’m not sure even they are enough. I have meds I can easily OD on. I’m really thinking about it this time.