I'm addicted to self harm. I have been for years now. I've been sober for a couple weeks, but during the times I'm not cutting, I use other people's injuries as an outlet, even as a muse. Still, each time I see a photo of anybody else's wounds or open cuts, I feel like throwing up. I get extremely nauseous and can't handle the sight in front of me, yet I stare at it anyway with envy and inspiration, as I wish I were in their position instead. When it comes to my own cuts, a sense of relief washes over me. I'm not suicidal, not anymore. My obsession with self harm is, unfortunately, because of personal aesthetics. I like the look of the cuts, the burning sting, and especially the drops of blood. I know this is bad and extremely destructive, but I can't help myself. I've tried professional help, I'm even on medication, but my opinion on self harm will not change. I enjoy it. I wish I didn't. I just want to be normal.