we dont know why bad things happen but it means we deserve every shred of goodness that comes our way. you get to a certain point and you realize everything in your life had to happen to get to where you are now. we have to sit with the grief, learn to be comfortable with it, and use it to change others lives. it hurts. you have to find a healthy outlet. you destroy more than yourself when you let the pain control you and bring you to dark places or death. nobody knows what came before or what, if anything, will come after. it sounds so pointless until you finally understand and see it for yourself.