I tried to kill myself when I was about 13, then I tried again when I was 18 (last year), and I still feel like everything sucks. It's incredible that even my suicide attempt goes wrong, although I won't deny that I miss the hospital and the care I received there. I'm afraid that someday someone will want to have sex with me and be disgusted by my arms and legs covered in scars, or that I'll feel so dirty that I won't want to continue because I'll remember my SA. Another thing is that I feel like I stopped being myself a while ago; sometimes it's like I'm seeing myself through a tiny window in my head. A few months ago, I almost drowned in a pool, and since then I can barely look at deep water/be near it. Even for the first few months, I struggled to shower because I remembered it. I feel like I'm full of tragedies; I suck.