So pretty much my whole life every year someone leaves me and at this point I feel numb. But it still hurts somehow over the years I have kept a list most of the people who left. There is one every year since I turned 6. I have not been able to keep in contact with for anyone than one month I sometimes get notifications from people who still are in contact with them. It feels weird like they are just out of reach. Every year I am scared about who I am going to lose it feels terrifying like a clock ticking down to my doom and then they leave it is like the line finally snapped and I feel like I should not even try to have a social life anymore because they will leave and it is like a curse.