I feel so intensely anxious sometimes and I have no idea if I actually have anxiety but it feels as though someone is using my heart as a stressball. So much of this is because of college apps and it feels like I'm behind and as much as it sounds stuck up to say I've never really been behind before. I'm a perfectionist -- I wrote that on every interview question that ever asked for my weakness. But for the first time, it actually does feel like one. Even though its summer break I can't sleep thinking that every hour that passes is an hour I waste and I spiral down and down and down and I don't know what to do anymore. I think it might be better if I had a definitive plan I could look back on constantly but there never is a single "defined" path that can get me the results I want and I cannot live with myself if everything I did was for less than I wanted. I can't bear the idea of my effort not yielding the result I want as much as I know it is a game of chance.