i dont feel real. i feel like im watching myself from outside of my body. my ed is getting worse. so is the derealization. i dont feel like enough. i feel like i constantly need to cvt myself to feel something. everyday i just go through the same motions. i stay up late obsessing over my body weight. nothing really matters. ill die anyways. my anxiety has skyrocketed. im a nervous wreck. all. the. time. i told my friends i got clean but i didnt. its so addicting. ive made my notes for when i.. ya know 😵. i feel so ready to go. like i have nothing to do. i feel like ive done everything i needed to do when i got put on this earth. i constantly feel sad but i dont cry. actually, i fucking cant. idek why. my brain processes the emotions but i do nothing about them. i feel like a sim with no tasks. i dont have any purpose. i think i really relate to the song "i hate everything" by nœm. i was abused. verbally. i think that contributes a lot to my thoughts. im constantly on edge. bye guys.