i dont know if i wanna be alive. i feel useless to everyone around me and myself. the only future i see for myself is misery and uncertainty. every day i think to myself, "it will be better, and no longer depressed will i be", but it's been a decade+ of me thinking like this, and my life really hasnt improved much. ive felt alone most of my life even when i had friends, families, peers surrounding me. i always felt different and i don't think the feeling will ever go away. even with my close friends, i can tell im different, and they're aware of it. i feel bad that they're friends with me, they deserve better. i cancel plans, im always busy, and i just never good enough to be around them. it's exhausting to me to be around anyone, even myself. it's isolating and i dont see it ever getting better. i think i will die young