You know, i havent really thought about my life that much, but after these recent months, ive just been stuck in an endless cycle of laziness and after graduating, despair, as ive been together with a girl for a few months last year and she decided to breakup for both of our sakes, i can understand that and i hope shes doing better, but for my sake im def not, despite it not being her fault the breakup eventually led to a domino effect which is getting worse as the months go by, and after the breakup ive been getting deeper and deeper into despair, i cant trust anyone the same way anymore, im breaking my own current friendships with genuinely good people, and the people who are still helping me, my family, are actively saying all of them are getting tired of me while ive been feeling the same since literal highschool, i just dont see an end to my own despair and my eventual self destruction ever since that specific point in time where everything just decided to go downhill(the breakup)