i feel so pathetic. all i've ever wanted was someone to be close to and love me but when given the opportunity to finally become close to someone i end up feeling shitty. i want change. but i can't. i'm procrastinating making myself happy for some reason. i procrastinate things i enjoy and things that are important, like school and studying. i procrastinate so much and i end up doing nothing. i sit in bed just waiting and waiting and nothing ever gets done. i started taking meds for anxiety in hopes of it to get me to study but it just didnt do anything. i want help but i wont ask. i wish i was born someone different. or normal. i hate feeling like this constantly because not only is it cringey/ embarrassing but just pathetic. it feels pathetic