i have been having sleep paralysis lately and i am stressed with my thesis, i keep thinking of killing myself although i don't want to and i hate myself for thinking of it, i am so sad and i feel guilty of thinking of killing myself when i have the access to good education and support from my family and i just so ugly inside and out, i really hate myself for being incompetent when other people don't have the same opportunities that i have. i try to be positive and feel grateful, i don't know how to start and motivate myself again, i will be graduating soon and all i am thinking is killing myself when i should be grateful that i went this far and i am about to finish college, i should be thankful but am also tired of thinking of the future and the past about the things i could've done better so that i would not be as lonely as i am now, i ruined friendships because i tried to isolate myself from others so as they would not get the negative energy that i give and it made me feel worse