Too many things to name are starting to suffocate me slowly and make me not care. The people in my life are losing hope too and it's starting to feel impossible to imagine what the future might be like. I know I should try to figure things out but I can't even get up out of my 90 degree bedroom to do some laundry and take a shower. The house smells like dog piss because our dog is incontinent, on top of all of us being filled with too much dread to take care of the house. I'm terrified of everyone dying. Mama with cancer, papa who's always struggled with suicidal thoughts, my girlfriend who's starting to have mysterious chest pains. I want to lay in my room and see how long I can get away with observing before I pass. I'm scared of losing my home, I'm torn between being too young to deal with this and too old to be doing nothing. I need a job, I need a house, I need some relief. Even when I was worried about my housing when I was with my girlfriend, everything felt manageable enough.