I don't wanna be here anymore. I should be grateful, I have a roof over my head and a comfortable bed to sleep in, money of my own - sort of, decent health. But I don't have someone there for me. I don't have friends and I can't talk to family about how I feel. They made me feel like I don't matter ever since I was a kid. I'm 24 now, female too btw. I sucked at school, I never got help with my homework, no matter how many times I asked, I'm always the last to be chosen for anything because I'm the oldest. Everyone assumes I'm okay, even if I don't eat and I stay in bed all day. No one talks to me at family gatherings unless I initiate conversation, I can feel the judgement radiate off family because I don't live up to their expectations. I used to read a lot, sometimes I still do but I think reading books gave me higher expectations of what family is supposed to be. I just don't want to be alone anymore, or feel this pain anymore. I want to be around people who actually care about me.