Everything's too fucking loud and I have no safe place to vent because if I vent to my friends ill feel bad and I have massive trust issues on top of that. I literally would do anything for them though, yet im scared to get too close again. I cut myself for one of them only it turned out to be completely useless and they were a toxic friend. I cant move on. I cant move on from being broken up. She said she didnt want to be used for her body again. Did I use her that much? I didnt mean to, I was new to love and I didnt know what I was doing. I dont know how to apologize, I cant talk to anyone. They'll only judge. I cant come out, I cant do shit right. I hate my body, I hate it, I want it gone, all of it. I want to stab myself, I want to carve into my skin and shape a new body. This isn't my body. There's too many people in my brain, too many voices. I forget who I am sometimes too. I dont know If I can hold up much longer.