i dont want to be alive anymore i dont know what to fucking do i feel like im always mad or taking something the wrong way and over reacting but i dont know what to do i love my boyfriend so much but i fucking hate him rn we got into an argument and somehow he said smth abt me being fat but not actually calling me fat so i asked him if he thinks im fat and he wouldnt answer me and then he said i have bad eating habits but im barely just recovering from an eating disorder i had since 5th grade and i js dont know what to do i have horrible attachment issues and mood swings and im 99.99% sure im borderline but i cant get diagnosed cuz my family doesnt belive in mental illness and im just so fucking tired i relapsed SH and ive been clean 4 years until now i dont want to live anymore but im too pussy to actually kill myself i wish something would kill me so i dont have to do it myself im so fucking tired of existing im tired of people im tired of being alone im tired of fucking everything