I genuinely hate me, my life. I arent incapable of feeling joy, its just that the times where i feel sad, empty, angry, or anything is happening more. I was happy yesterday but today i was angry/sad. I hate my gender, I wish i was a girl. My friends would be supportive but it would feel weird to use different name/pronouns because even tho i could call it off or like it, then its real and not in my mind. My parents idrk if they would mind but my brother is transphobic. I have lied about a few things that have happened to me and idk why, small things (not like lying about abuse or something crazy) but after i say it i hate that i did I also feel like that even though i have been friends for ages with them even though i care for them so much my friends dont rlly like me or find me annoying. The few things i have i like, story writing (wish i could make a show), or just random things, i feel like has been overshadowed by things. I cant stop making myself go out to run/walk and i hate it.