I hear about reverts who wish they were born religious. They envy those who are, wish they had more time to do good deeds, wish they knew from the beginning the truth. Me? I wish I wasn't born religious. Because then maybe I wouldn't have to feel the insane amount of guilt from questioning my religion. Maybe I would have the freedom to choose my religion with a clear mind instead of all the guilt I feel in even wanting to choose either at all. Maybe I wouldn't feel so much guilt over questioning. Questioning whether or not there's an afterlife. Questioning if I'm going to go to hell. Questioning if I'm going to waste my life following teachings that may not even be real, may not even have mattered at all, when I could have been doing the things that really mattered to me. Questioning if my family are wasting away their lives too. What if I'm just being influenced by sin? By this secular society I'm in? What if I'm selfish just for wanting to pursue my desires? My passions, my dreams?