In my group of friends, they would consider me as part of them, but when things gets serious for them, for some reason i should not interfere, those moments really hurted me, but i didn't express any disatisfaction or sadness because i have low self esteem, but now its part of my reasons why im so depress in my room at night, i love them, theyre part of my core memories in my junior highschool years, but it really hurts that i consider them my bestest friend back then, but i feel like they didn't see me that way, on the time of those moments i feel like i could cry, but remembering them hurts but i can't cry, so i just rolled on my sheets and wait for the tears to flow, the sheets makes me feel like im being hugged, its very comforting and safe.