I feel so unyearned for and unwanted from my fiance that I've started reading self insert fanfiction in order to live vicariously through the story in hopes of one day being treated and wanted like how the male leads treat the reader. I don't feel sexy or beautiful. He never gives me compliments, doesn't like holding my hand, and rarely is ever the one to initiate kisses or hugs. As soon as we're done having sex, he's immediately scrolling on his phone and I have to go to the bathroom like a kicked puppy to clean myself up and receive no after care. For once I just want him to look at me like I'm appreciated and wanted and attractive. I love him, I really do. But sometimes the intrusive thoughts come in and I see other guys that are sweet to me (platonically) and I wonder what it would be like with them instead. He's started complaining about my low sex drive, but how can I have a high sex drive for someone who doesn't even look at me twice when I put on lingerie for them?