Everyday I wake up and wish I didn’t, when I dream I’m angry, sad, hurt and crying out to God. Yet I wake up. I beg & pray for death, I seek it & won’t run from it. I have no idea what I did, no idea what I said but I must’ve angered God somehow. In the blink of an eye everything he blessed me with .. gone, spouse? Gone. “Future kids”? Gone. Family? Gone. friends? Gone. From my childhood to adulthood nothing gets better, life just gets worse. Walk in the ways of the Lord you’ll still face calamity no different than a wicked person. I was granted serenity for a short time & he took away.. he had finally gave it to me & snatched it away. Who am I to accuse God of doing evil or to criticize how he runs his universe? I’m just a lowly fallen man, God is Holy & Just so surely I deserve this. It would’ve been better had I not been born, had my parents aborted me. All I can do is cry, I have nothing left but a broken spirit and even that seems to only incite more calamity upon myself.