i wish i was a girl, but thats not all. i cant really explain what it is, but i just feel uncomfortable existing in every way. nothing feels right. it feels like theres this setting cement between me and everything else other than pain, and that really bothers me, because i just cant do anything. also theres been this crawling feeling in my ears for two years now and the doctors wont do anything to help me, and i think ive been at my limit for awhile. im ready to die, i think, because even nothingness would atleast get me away from everything. the only thing im afraid of is upsetting the people around me, i couldnt care less about life other than that being a boy like me. i feel ungrateful, and maybe i am ungrateful, but i think its cruel to judge someone on their preferences. its no different to someone who chooses to be vegan in a world where they have to eat meat, but they couldnt if they tried, so the reasonable choice is death. i just dont want it to hurt