I’m not sure I can ever truly recover from what happened to me. I’m trying really hard to keep myself from just dying, but I don’t know if I can do this anymore. My past haunts me, even now as I’ve gotten a good opportunity to do what I’ve always loved doing as a career. I don’t know if I can. I feel sort of lost, and it’s horrible because there are people who care and what not but I just feel so awful. The truth is, I want to die really bad but I won’t. I sometimes fantasize about it and sometimes it scares me. I want to continue on a lot because I love my Joey, and he loves me, but I feel sort hopeless about my future. How can I ever hope to succeed in life when all I’ve known is failure and heartbreak? Maybe my family was right, and maybe I’m just a lazy bum who doesn’t deserve any kind of happiness.